


Losing My Religion

by amathela



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Gen, Humor, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-02
Updated: 2008-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-16 16:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/541345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amathela/pseuds/amathela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ten Commandments, as observed by West Wing staffers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing My Religion

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up to episode _7:18 - Requiem_.

_1\. I am the Lord your God. Do not have any other gods before me._

 

"As far as you're concerned, I might as well be God. Now, you can get on board, or we can do this thing without you, and believe me, we will." He stands, trying not to look too pleased with himself; fixes them with one last stare. "You've got until the end of the day."

He's triumphant as the door shuts behind him, Sam following a moment later. "That was certainly -"

"I kicked their asses."

"He was very impressive," Sam tells Donna; she smiles indulgently.

"I'm sure he was."

"I was their God."

"Your fly is undone."

He was this close.

-

_2\. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth._

 

"It's cursed."

Josh follows CJ's gaze, trying to see what she sees. "It's a cat."

"It's a cursed cat."

"CJ -"

"No, I'm telling you. First, I get jumped on about that whole national parks thing, and then some moron forgets to say "off the record" when he's -"

"Well -"

"I was asked what his favourite national parks were. I didn't expect three different articles describing the President as having dissed -"

"CJ."

"It's a false idol. I'm being punished."

"Because you constructed a false idol?"

"I'm just going to break it. Or is that tempting fate?"

"CJ."

"What?"

"It's just a cat."

-

_3\. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name._

 

Josh is almost killed at Rosslyn, and Donna buys a mezuzah. She isn't sure it works if you don't believe in it, but she'll take all the help she can get.

When her car blows up in Gaza, he's on the first plane. He doesn't stop to pray.

-

Zoey Bartlet is kidnapped, and an entire nation holds vigil.

-

When Dolores Landingham is killed at 18th and Potomac, Josiah Bartlet calls God a feckless thug.

( _Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem._ )

Now, the weight of the coffin on his shoulders, he doesn't speak.

(He sent you a priest -)

( _Eas in crucem._ )

-

_4\. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy._

 

"Josh."

He wonders, sometimes, how she can stretch four letters into two or three syllables. It seems to be an innately girl thing; he isn't sure male vocal cords are even capable of it.

"Donna, it's just for a couple of hours."

"It's Sunday. It's the Sabbath. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Jewish Sabbath is on Saturday."

"You worked yesterday, too."

"I'm not observant."

"I'm not Jewish."

"You're Jewish by proxy." Which isn't even remotely true, but it seems to placate her a little. "When we're done, I'll take you shopping."

"You always say that."

"I promise."

"You're going to Hell."

-

_5\. Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you._

 

"Raise you five."

Josh is slumped forward, cards in hand, when Donna enters. Toby looks up briefly, then goes back to examining the table.

"Are you guys all right?" It's the wrong question, maybe, but the only one she can ask.

"Yeah. CJ was here before, but she left."

Probably for the best. Josh shifts, and Donna tries to smile. "My dad said you called him today."

"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair.

"That was really sweet."

He says nothing. Toby calls the bet, flips his cards.

"Well, I should go." A pause, and then - "Happy father's day."

-

_6\. You shall not murder._

 

"Leo."

"Yeah. Just a sec."

"Leo."

"Yeah. What's up?"

"I think Sam and Josh are hiding a body in their office."

"Wait - what? Whose office?"

"One of their offices. A body."

"Like, a dead guy?"

Margaret leans in, whispers conspiratorially. "I think they murdered somebody."

And -

"It's okay, I won't tell anyone."

-

"You. Office. Now."

Sam and Josh follow him in; Leo shuts the door behind them. "Just so we're clear - are you guys hiding a body?" At their silence, he nods. "Margaret thinks you killed somebody."

"It's a dummy. For the thing."

"Yeah."

And -

"Let's not tell Margaret, okay?"

-

_7\. You shall not commit adultery._

 

"Adultery, Donna."

She looks startled for a minute, and then apparently writes it off as just another Josh Lyman opener. "Good morning to you, too."

He blocks her path as she veers towards the bullpen, leans against the wall in front of her. "It's a mortal sin."

"Adultery?"

"Yeah."

He holds her gaze for a moment, until something visibly clicks. "What, against you?"

"Yeah."

"You're not my husband."

"Yeah, but I'm your man."

She smiles. "You are my man."

"Well?" He doesn't say anything else; just raises his eyebrows, and she shrugs.

"Well, then, I guess he's got to go."

-

_8\. You shall not steal._

 

"So, what did you think of the speech?"

"I thought it was good."

"Well -"

"I thought it was good when I wrote exactly the same thing three years ago, and it certainly hasn't lost its edge since then. Except for, you know, the whole plagiarism thing, but I'm sure us reputable writers don't let little things like that stop us when -"

"Now, hang on."

Toby raises an eyebrow.

"First of all, it's not exactly -"

"It's pretty damn close."

"And second of all, a good writer -"

"Borrows, steals outright, yadda yadda yadda. Change it."

"Toby -"

"Sam."

A beat. "I'm changing it."

-

_9\. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour._

 

"All right, which one of you -"

No sooner has the door shut behind her than Josh and Sam are pointing at one another, their expressions carefully blank.

"Josh."

"It was Sam."

"It was not me."

"Josh, give me my underwear."

"Donna, it wasn't me."

And then she drops the anger, bites her lip, steps forward. "Then I guess -"

"No, wait, it was me."

"Was not." And Josh pulls the underwear from his pocket, dangling them from his fingers before letting them drop. "So, what's my punishment?"

She lets her gaze rest on each of them, briefly, before backing away.

"Gotcha."

-

_10\. You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour._

 

"I coveted a neighbour's wife once." He's not sure they're talking about this again, but Sam doesn't look surprised, so he figures he's good. "Well, more a girlfriend, really. And not so much a neighbour as a roommate -"

"Amy?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"You?"

"Sort of. I had a crush on my best friend's sister, once."

"Not really the same thing."

"No."

"Unless -"

"Will?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

There's a moment of silence. "Is there some kind of commandment against that?"

"Actually, I think it's pretty much standard in the Bible."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"So, then, these people probably shouldn't be making our laws?"

"Yeah."


End file.
